26 weeks!

Twenty Six Weeks

So, it's been a little while since I have had the chance to blog. I really don't have a free second right now, but I'm making one. I want to be able to look back on this part of my life and just laugh. If I don't write about it, how am I supposed to do that?

We're 26 weeks pregnant with a baby boy! YAY! I'm thrilled. I'll be honest, at first, I had some MAJOR gender disappointment, but now...if this baby came out a girl, I'd be majorly disappointed again. Don't get me wrong. I am THRILLED, beyond THRILLED to be having this baby. I'm ecstatic that we've made it to 26 weeks and that next week we'll be starting the third trimester! Woo-hoo! This means chances are significantly higher that our little boy will make an entrance into this world, happy and healthy and super cuddly!

What have we been doing for 26 weeks? I've been going to a group for Moms on Tuesdays, gaining as much fresh wisdom as I possibly can about parenting, getting our house ready for little boy, getting his room ready, planning for the birth, going to doctor appointments, managing the house, budgeting for a new addition to our family, and so on. It's crazy how much work goes into having a child. I knew it was a lot of work, but seriously, nothing can prepare you for pregnancy and every single little thing that will happen. Nothing can prepare you for everything you need for the baby. It's just a learning process and a process in which I have learned to be SUPER patient. 

Over the past two months or so, we have learned that our little boy has a minor kidney issue. The portion of his right kidney called the pelvis is collecting more fluid than it should. The doctors don't think this is going to be a problem and keep reassuring us that it most likely will disappear on its own, but they are keeping an eye on him to make sure everything goes well and that his condition doesn't progress rapidly into something worse. We've been praying for this to turn around, and we have also started a nightly routine of praying scripture over our son. This has been so comforting to me. After having a miscarriage in May, I have been worried about him making it to term. I guess it's just a rational fear, but I'm asking God to take my fears away and replace them with His Truth.

So, we have about 14 weeks left until our baby's due date! YAY!! Am I ready? Heck no. There are times when I just want to hold him and see his little face, and then there are times when I just wish he would stay in my belly for another year, growing, becoming healthier and stronger, staying safe and warm. I guess the truth is, I'm just nervous about being a Mom. I'm nervous that things are going to go wrong, that I won't know what to do with a little baby boy, that I won't get any sleep, that I'll have a terrible time adjusting to a new life in our house, that Luke (my husband) and I won't ever get to see each other or spend time together alone ever again. Fear, fear, fear. It is my prayer that God proves me wrong in every single one of these situations, and that He supplies our every need and immeasurably more!

Hopefully I will have some pictures to post soon:) I'll try to keep this updated as often as I can! Thanks for reading!

Lots of Love,

Jen

Sorting Through Emotions- One Day At A Time

Jesus, this is so hard. I'm so confused on how to move through this life sometimes. I have no clue what I am doing, so it seems. My relationship with You has been up and down... it's like a roller coaster lately. I hate that feeling. I'm not welcoming it. I'm shooing it out. I just recently had a miscarriage, as You know, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten any of it. Actually, I'm starting to remember bits and pieces of the day the first of it all started, and those bits and pieces keep haunting me. A time that particularly stands out to me is riding down that stretch of Alcoa highway to the hospital and just wailing in pain and crying my eyes out, asking "Why?" and yelling "Jesus, please help me, please, please." It's rough. It's rough repeating this, but I have no idea how else I am going to heal if I don't. 

I realize how much I have already hidden deep with in the darkest portions of my being, and I know how destructive that is...only to me. It hurts You to see me this way. I know. I feel it, but somehow there are times when I just don't feel You near. I'm still asking, "Why?" I don't understand, and all I keep hearing are sounds reverberating over and over saying, "We may never understand, but God has a plan." That's becoming so distant to me and just makes my heart seem to callus. I don't want to feel like that. I want to know You were there with me in that room, when I was calling out to You to save me, to save our child. I wanna know that You did everything You could to fix it, to make it better. I want to know what happened, was it my fault, was there something I could've done differently, better? I just really want to know "why?" 

One thing that is helping me today, just knowing I don't have to do this alone, that others have gone before me, that You did indeed save me the trauma of a more difficult miscarriage (though it was extremely painful, emotionally and physically.) Another thing, a friend told me today that trying to figure it all out would eat me alive. She was right. It has already begun to. Whoa. How do I reverse all of this? Is there a way?

I'm just downcast, and hurt. I feel alone, no matter if You are there, no matter if others have gone before. I'm being honest. Don't You want me to be honest? I hurt. I'm tired. I hate the struggle. I want some change, some favor. 

I do understand that I will love this child forever. She/he is mine and always will be. I'm also thankful that she/he never had to endure the suffering of this world, but that she/he went straight into Your arms. I love You for that. However, I'm still angry with You, still hurt. 

Dad, I'm asking that You please keep after me. Stay on my heels. Walk before me, beside me, behind me. I don't want to run away from You, to fall away from You. I know You are there, even if I don't feel You, even if I don't want to talk right now. Just keep pursuing me. It's inevitable that I will fall into Your arms again. Thank You for waiting on me.

Luke and I planted some flowers in honor of our baby. They really have helped with healing. Thank You for making them grow.

Love,

Jen

Change

From Janurary 2012-March 2013: I met my soon-to-be husband, began planning a mission trip to Africa, started student teaching, began dating my soon-to-be husband, got very sick, lost my student teaching position, got engaged, began planning a wedding, watched my fiance and Africa mission trip teammate graduate, went to Kenya for a month and a half the next day, planned a wedding from Kenya, came home, watched my fiance move and start a new job, got married, moved away, started my last semester of Graduate School, watched my brother and his wife and cousin and her husband and best friend and her husband get married, started my Advocare journey, began worshiping at a new church, graduated from Grad School, began a teaching position at a preschool, and had laparoscopic surgery.

Whoa.

That's a lot. There's more, I'm sure, but that's about all I can squeeze out of my mind at this moment. There's more to come. 

After moving to Maryville in August, we left behind so many "knowns" for so many "unknowns." Scary? Yes. It was. It has been. Every day has been a challenge to get out there and search for the will of God. He definitely hasn't left us. He's been leading and guiding consistently. We've made a ton of friends who already feel like close family. Nice, right? Well, yes, it's been nice. After all, one can never have enough friends. God has been giving us opportunity after opportunity to minister to others, and we're overjoyed. We love seeing Him get the glory as His Spirit lives in and flows out of us. 

I never thought I would see myself asking for MORE of the very thing I am so afraid of, change. But I am. I'm asking that He open the floodgates and let it rain on our town. I am asking that He open the floodgates on our families and friends. I am asking that He stir us to an excitement and JOY that we have not yet experienced, one that gets us up, moving, active, and ALIVE! I am asking for hearts of stone to be changed, forever. I am asking for success and prosperity, immeasurably more! I am asking for surrender, closure, understanding of the things that have past and looking forward to the prize He has promised! I am asking for expanded territory, to be sent on missions; wherever He desires to lead, we'll follow. I am asking for renewal, rest, peace in His comforting arms, lavish love! I am asking all of these things for my family and for all of you. He IS ABLE!

Thank you Jesus for your gift of sacrifice, for the changes you have carried us through and to. Thank you for loving us when we could not love ourselves. Thank you for opportunities to step out in faith, to make your name known. You are beautiful. You are good. Your love never fails. Thank you for providing and giving us new hearts that beat and feel and serve and love in Your name. Thank you for the gifts you continuously pour out on Your people, Your gifts of freedom and love. Thank you for the successes you have brought to us, even the times we fail, we thank you for. We thank you that You are perfect; You remain faithful, steady, constant, sure. Thank You, Jesus, for loving us endlessly. May we learn to love the same.

Jen

Resting in You

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

-Matthew 11:28-30

Rest. 

How? The world is at war. Children die daily of malnutrition. Twenty seven million are enslaved against their will. Children are trafficked and exploited. Women are beaten and abused. The AIDS virus runs rapid in Africa, and children are orphaned and left to die from this horrific disease. Why?

My heart hearts for these. My heart aches for those who don't even get the chance to know You and Your goodness, Jesus. I am blessed beyond measure. You have poured out Your Spirit upon me. I have salvation and everlasting life with You. I am a living, breathing, walking miracle...because You saved me.

What exactly is this rest He is calling us to? You know, I am not exactly sure, but if I had to guess, I would guess it would be something like absorbing all the beauty in and around you. It's like that feeling you get when you've hiked all day and you reach the top of a mountain. The sun is glowing. The air is fresh and clean. The mountains are rising up all around you in their splendor, declaring that "Jesus is Lord!" It's being still and just knowing that HE is God, and HE is good.

I don't have to rest in myself. I don't have to rest assured that I am good and I do everything with perfection and precision. However, I do get to rest, knowing that Jesus has made me perfect. He's made me righteous. He's called me "daughter." He's clothed me in dignity and strength. He has claimed me. I am His, and He is mine. He has given me beauty for ashes. 

I hope wherever today finds you that you are able to rest in His goodness. No matter how busy you are, set aside some time to just revel in the love He has lavished upon you. Revel in the fact that He has called you "child." 

Let your restless spirit rest.

Audrey Assad - Restless (Slideshow With Lyrics)

So Long, Insecurity

Please check this out!!!!!

Clothed in Dignity and Strength

Today is a new day in the Dunnewold household. I get up every day believing in the power of the mercy of Jesus Christ, but I am telling you, "TODAY...is a NEW day." 

What's so different about today? Everything, but mostly, I am choosing this very day to revel in the inheritance Jesus Christ has given me. 

"An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels. 

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands

she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed:

her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates."--Proverbs 31

Ugly Insecurity

It's very real and very ugly. If you're like me, human, then you know what insecurity is. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't even know some of the ways insecurity can manifest itself inside of you. From your appearance to your family and friends and most important relationships, insecurity rises up and feeds on the dark areas of your life. Let me give you an example of the way insecurity has manifested itself in my life. Appearance. Yep. You said it. I am not sure when it began, but sometime after I stopped playing with barbie and teaching my stuffed animals their ABC's, I became very aware of myself. I can remember hating my plump lips (thankful for them now!), my brown eyes, the gap between my teeth, my large calve muscles, and big feet. I think the only thing I was "okay" with was my nose and my ears. Over the years, the media would become more pressing on perfection, the perfect body, the perfect hair, the perfect eyes (get this, if you don't like your eye color, you can get colored contacts to change your eye color. Guess who did just that!?), the perfect legs, need I keep going? Between Victoria Secret commercials and Hydroxycut adds, what in the world is a real woman supposed to do?

I know what this woman did. She forgot. She forgot who she was in Christ. She forgot to take up her inheritance in Jesus. She forgot about freedom from the flesh. Listen ladies, if you have been born again in Jesus Christ, then you have a BEAUTIFUL inheritance given to you by your Father. You also have a choice. You can take it and RUN with it, or you can ignore it and let insecurity fill up every hole in your life, forgetting what Christ has freely given you.

FREEDOM

DIGNITY

HONOR

GLORY

HEALING

RIGHTEOUSNESS

SECURITY

It's your choice. From the moment you wake up, you have a choice to let other people control you, media, food, expectations, relationships, careers, school, etc. OR, you can choose to let Jesus control you and consume you. Yes, it is hard, but it is also THAT EASY. We are not to live in fear of the darkness, letting others control us emotionally, physically, spiritually. We are women of honor, we are "clothed in dignity and strength." We have a responsibility to other women in this nation, in this world, to the little baby girls in our lives, to show them how to latch on to this strength and dignity for DEAR LIFE. I'm not saying you'll never feel pain or emotion. What I AM saying is that YOU GET TO CHOOSE how you react to pain, what type of emotions you feel, how far you will let something go until it gets right down to the deepest part of your unguarded heart.

My prayer is that we as women will claim our innocence back. I pray that we will rise together, stand up for the godly men in our lives, for the little girls, for those who are enslaved and cannot stand up for themselves. I pray that we can learn through the cleansing blood of Jesus that we are forgiven and free. There is nothing that you can do or have done that He hasn't already died and forgiven you for. 

Believe me, sisters, "HE KNOWS HOW SCARY IT IS TO BE US."--Beth Moore

If you are looking for freedom from an addiction, from a relationship that is unhealthy, from debt, from your own expectations, I suggest you get down to the heart of the matter. Free yourself. Take it to Jesus. Tell Him you have no idea how you got to where you are, but you are drowning, and you don't want to die. Trust me. He wants freedom for you more than you even want for yourself. 

I also recommend checking out this book, "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. Absolutely life-changing.

I challenge you to accept the Freedom Jesus Christ has granted you. 

Dear Jesus, I ask for your love to surround me and my sisters today. I know that our insecurities run deep, and we have experienced pain in ways we never thought possible. Jesus, we are drowning, and we need you to pull us out. We don't even know where to start, but we know that we cannot do this on our own strength. By the strength you have granted us, by the strength of the Spirit you have placed in us, Jesus, we can find freedom. Jesus, we realize we have a choice to choose you, and we also have a choice to dispel the darkness and live in the light of your glorious freedom. Jesus, help us choose wisely and find security and comfort in your arms. Thank you for giving us life. Thank you for taking away our insecurities. Thank you for loving us like no one else ever has. Thank you for loving us more than we love ourselves. You are the King of our lives, and You will always be.

Looks like we got our snow wish!!!!

Winter Is Here

In like a lamb, out like a lion. Maybe, but I know something is different about today. For starters, it is COLD. My fingers are numb just trying to type right now. My toes are equally numb. I love it. This weather propels me. It gives me motivation and relaxes and soothes my spirit. I know that sounds backwards, but I love the dreary days. There is something about them that takes the pressure off, unlike sunny days where you feel you MUST take advantage of the rays and the warmth and do as much outside as possible. Don't get me wrong. I live for days like that, for days outdoors, warmth, sun, beauty in nature, long hikes to walk and talk about the goodness of God. Just as much as I live for those days, I breathe for these. 

So, where's the snow? I'm anxiously awaiting it, even just a few snowflakes, though my heart longs for a BURST of excitement in a total whiteout. Snow is white and thick and covers like a blanket. I feel as though it covers me just the same. The world looks so different when covered in snow. Snow purifies, cleans. It's silent yet powerful. It reminds me of the way God speaks to me.

"Your voice wasn't in a bush burning

No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind

It was still

It was small

It was hidden

You came like a winter snow

Quiet, soft, and slow

Falling from the sky

In the night

To the earth below"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpHiAmL8-b0

Check it out. Audrey Assad has a gorgeous voice. 

All of God's creation cries out declaring that HE is the Lord. The snow speaks for itself. What a beautiful representation of the Father's purifying love for me, for you.

"Have mercy on me, O God,

according to your steadfast love;

according to your abundant mercy

blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

and cleanse me from my sin!" -Psalm 51: 1&2

Jesus, bring a healing, cleansing, purifying snow on Your people. Make us new, Your sons and daughters, as we recognize and claim our righteousness in You. Break and refine us. Use us as Your servants. Holy Spirit of God, comfort us in our afflictions and revive us. Move us to rejoice in the freedom Christ has granted us. Move us to shine for You to those who have been silenced. Move us to raise our voices for freedom from slavery and sin. Thank you for redeeming Your people. Thank You for giving us immeasurably more. Speak to us just as You entered this world, and help us to be attentive to Your voice. Your unfailing love is better than life! We praise You, God, for Your goodness and unfailing love!

I Have Resolved To...

I have resolved for 2013 to become more organized in every area of my life. For me, well, since I am already scatter-brained, organization takes some sweet, focused time to accomplish. Anyone else out there with me on this? However, it's always worth it. I have found that the more I de-clutter my life in one area, the more time I have left to spend "focused" in another. That's really what I am aiming for here: focus, clarity, answers, access.

I have recently sought out to organize my whole house and garage. Ambitious? Perhaps, but it is my belief that if I at least set a goal, I will attempt it, even if I fail.

It's not about failing, it's about trying. 

There is something so powerful about trying a midst the pressure of possible defeat. The walls that we ourselves put up, they begin to break down bit by bit when we try. Hmm, a thought just occurred to me. We spend so much time worrying, obsessing over possible defeat that we don't stop for a moment to think about possible VICTORY. Wow. What would the world be like if we just changed our perspectives? You see satan likes to throw little lies at us like, "You can't. You know you're no good at that. You should just let someone else do it. Stick to something more safe and certain."

Conquer in His Name

No. I refuse to believe the lie that in order to attempt something, I must KNOW that I will completely succeed. After all, isn't there a lesson equally as valuable if not more in failing? Plus, for those of us who have put on Christ, guess what?


"No, in ALL THESE THINGS we are MORE than CONQUERERS through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

I am coming to the realization that just because I have failed at something doesn't mean I haven't conquered it. I believe that it is all about perception. If I give something my very all, failed or not, have I not still conquered? If I go in HIS name, have I not conquered? Friends, I believe we have the power to conquer or to be conquered. The power I WANT and I HAVE has come to me from Jesus, and through His Spirit, I have the power to conquer my fears, my doubts, my insecurities, and gain trust, faith, and hope in a gloriously secure future with Jesus Christ.

Friends, don't take it lightly that He has crowned you with honor and glory. It's time to take your rightful place, as a conqueror.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."

Psalm 8:3-5

Thank You, Jesus for clothing me in your strength and dignity. Thank You for helping me reclaim what is rightfully mine. I pray that I may never lose sight of who I am in You. Thank You for loving me even when I do. I am more than a conqueror because of Your great love for me.

This is my heart's prayer for all of YOU, my dear friends!! Reclaim YOUR POWER to CONQUER in HIS NAME!!!

Fresh Start

Wow. I am not sure about you, but for me and my family, 2012 brought with it a whirlwind of CHANGE. Here is the break down of the time line of events:

• January 3, 2012: I met my future husband and best friend at the 2012 PASSION conference (our best friends met on the same trip the previous day!)
• Jumped full swing into planning a mission trip to Kenya and Student Teaching
• February 14, 2012: Began dating my "future husband"
• March 10, 2012: We said, "I love you." 
• April 5, 2012: Lost my student teaching job
• April 9, 2012: I said, "yes" to marrying Luke.
• May 5, 2012: Luke graduated college.
• May 6, 2012: We left for Kenya.
• June 18, 2012: We arrived home.
• June 19, 2012: Let the wedding planning begin!!
• August 11, 2012: We said, "I will" forever and ever.
• August 12, 2012: Honeymoon to Asheville, NC.
• August 18, 2012: Moved to Maryville, TN (Luke had previously started a new M.E. job with DENSO manufacturing.)
• September 22, 2012: Carmen and David were married
• October 20, 2012: Abby and John (our best friends) were married.
• October 26, 2012: My brother and sister-in-law were married.
• Ocotber 29, 2012: Started my first 24 day challenge with Advocare!
• November 22, 2012: Let the joint Thanksgivings begin!
• December 15, 2012: I graduated from Grad School!!!
• December 23, 2012: Let the joint Christmases begin!
• January 1, 2013: Let the NEW YEAR begin!
• January 1-4, 2013: PASSION conference in Atlanta, GA, where we met!
• January 3, 2013: Hit one year of knowing each other!!
• January 9, 2013: Job offer! Praise God!

Whoa. That is a LOT to soak in right there. 

The Best is YET to come

How to I beat such an awesome year? There will never be a year where I meet and fall in love with my best friend and life-long companion. There will never be another year where we venture to Kenya together for the first time. There will never be another year where we go on our honeymoon or graduate for the first time, or see our friends get married. Wow. These moments sure are fleeting. 

Even in all the JOY and with all the NEWNESS God lavished upon our families, God has been constantly reminding me of His Truth and His promise" "THE BEST IS YET TO COME." That's such a bold statement, but His word reminds me

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning...say not, "Why were the former days better than these?"

Ecclesiastes 7: 8 & 10

Not only this but look at His promises to us!!!:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes..." Jeremiah 29:11-14

Thank You, God, that tomorrow will be even better than the beautiful day you have given me today. Thank you for teaching me who I am in You. Thank You for loving me like no one else can, even more than I can. Thank You for being MINE forever and for adopting and claiming me as Your daughter!